People with problems controlling their anger sometimes have difficulty coping with pressures from the outside world, other people, and the way these external stressors impact on them. Day to day problems, negative thoughts and beliefs, and interpersonal relationship problems are interrelated because an increase in stress-related tension also increases the likelihood of anger and aggression.
There is a broad spectrum on the anger continuum between irritability and anger caused by the belief that life is unfair, and that someone has violated our strong internal standards of behaviour at one end of the continuum, and hostility and uncontrollable rage at the other.
Rage is caused by childhood situations where a person has been repeatedly criticised and humiliated and made to feel that they are neither worthy nor lovable. These wounds to the self over a long period of time become the trigger where people defend themselves against these negative feelings by mobilising extreme aggression to protect their repeated feelings of low self-worth.
There is a big difference between losing your temper because someone has violated your standards of housekeeping, order, driving competence or childrearing, and the potentially explosive and violent outbursts which are activated by jealousy, rejection, and in circumstances where one is fighting for ones life against punishing or destructive relationships.
But all these anger problems have the same ingredients
The way we interpret our experience.
The way we recognise, express and control anger.
The errors in communication with others.
Sometimes anger is facilitative of something else, for example power. or coping with fear. People quite often seem to think that their anger has gone from nothing to fury in moments, however the reality is usually that it has built up over time.
We will help you to understand your anger, where it is coming from and what it is facilitating, and we will do so without judgement. CBT can help you to learn techniques to help you to contain your anger or express it in a safe way, to understand it, to look at things from a different perspective and to recognise your triggers, helpful and unhelpful behaviours, whilst also validating your feelings.